Your Picky Eater Isn't Being Stubborn — Here's What's Really Going On

“Khud se khana nahi khata.” Every Indian parent has said this at least once. Your child eats only dal chawal, gags on vegetables, refuses anything that isn’t crunchy, or takes one look at a new food and says “no” before even trying.

You’ve tried everything — hiding vegetables in paratha, bargaining with dessert, the “you can’t leave the table until you eat” approach. Nothing works. And everyone has an opinion about it.

Here’s what nobody tells you: your child might not be stubborn. Their mouth might genuinely experience food differently.

What’s actually happening

For some children, certain food textures, temperatures, or tastes feel genuinely uncomfortable — even distressing. Where you taste a normal tomato, your child might feel an overwhelming burst of acidity. Where you feel a smooth dahi, they might feel a slimy texture that triggers their gag reflex.

This is called oral sensory sensitivity, and it’s much more common than people think. It’s not pickiness. It’s their nervous system processing taste and texture at a higher intensity.

Signs it might be sensory (not stubbornness)

• Gags on certain textures (mushy, slimy, lumpy)
• Smells food before eating it — every time
• Strongly prefers one texture category (only crunchy, or only smooth)
• Gets upset if different foods touch each other on the plate
• Has a very small list of “safe” foods they’ll eat
• Has always been this way (since starting solids)

If you’re nodding along, your child’s nervous system is likely involved.

What doesn’t work

• Forcing food: Creates anxiety around meals, makes things worse
• Hiding vegetables: Once they discover the trick, trust breaks down
• “Just try one bite”: Even one bite of a texture that feels wrong can be genuinely stressful
• Comparing to other kids: “Sharma ji ka beta sab khata hai” helps no one

What actually works

1. Food Detective Game (10 minutes)

Put 3-4 foods with different textures on plates. Let your child be a “detective” — they can touch, smell, lick, and describe each food without any pressure to eat. “Is this one bumpy or smooth? Cold or warm?”

Why it works: Removes the pressure to eat. Lets their nervous system explore food at their own pace. Over time, familiarity reduces fear.

2. Crunchy Before Mushy

If your child prefers crunchy foods, start meals with something crunchy (papad, carrot sticks, toast). Crunchy foods provide strong oral input that “wakes up” the mouth and makes it more ready to handle other textures.

Why it works: Crunchy foods provide organizing sensory input to the mouth. It’s like a warm-up before exercise.

3. Let Them Cook With You

Involving your child in food preparation — washing vegetables, tearing lettuce, kneading atta — exposes them to food textures through their hands first. Touching food is the first step toward eating it.

Why it works: Touch is less threatening than taste. Each positive interaction with food builds comfort.

The long game

Food acceptance in sensory-sensitive children is a gradual process. The research says it can take 15-20 positive exposures to a new food before a child will try it. That’s not 15 meals — that’s 15 times they touch it, smell it, see it, or play with it without pressure.

Your child isn’t being difficult at mealtimes. Their mouth is telling them something. Once you understand that, you can stop the mealtime battles and start building a relationship with food that works for everyone.