Bedtime Takes 90 Minutes? A Calming Routine That Actually Works

It’s 9 PM. Bedtime was supposed to be 8. Your child is running around the house, jumping on the bed, asking for water for the fourth time, suddenly needing to tell you about something that happened three days ago. Every. Single. Night.

You’re exhausted. They’re wired. And you can’t figure out why a child who was clearly tired an hour ago now acts like they’ve had three cups of chai.

Why your child can’t wind down

Here’s what’s happening: your child’s nervous system is stuck in “go” mode, and they don’t know how to shift to “stop.”

Think about your own experience — after a stressful day, you can’t just decide to fall asleep. You might scroll your phone, read, or lie there with your mind racing. Adults have developed strategies (even if imperfect) for winding down. Children haven’t.

For children with sensitive nervous systems, this is even harder. Their body might need active help transitioning from alert to calm. Saying “it’s bedtime, go to sleep” is like telling someone running on a treadmill to suddenly be still. Their body needs a gradual slowdown.

The mistake: screen time before bed

Many parents use screen time to “calm” kids before bed. It works in the moment — they sit still and are quiet. But screens actually stimulate the brain and suppress melatonin production. So when you turn off the screen, their body is more wired, not less.

A calming bedtime routine that works

This takes about 15-20 minutes and uses things you already have. Do it in order — the sequence matters.

Step 1: Heavy Work (5 minutes)

Before bath or changing into pajamas:

• Pillow sandwich: Put your child between two cushions and press down firmly (they’ll giggle — that’s fine)
• Wall push-ups: 10 pushes against the wall
• Bear walk to the bedroom

Why: Heavy work provides deep pressure input that shifts the nervous system from “alert” to “calm.” It’s counterintuitive — activity before sleep? — but it genuinely works.

Step 2: Warm Bath or Warm Towel (5-10 minutes)

A warm bath isn’t just about hygiene. Warm water provides calming sensory input across the whole body. If bath isn’t possible, a warm towel rubbed firmly on arms and legs has a similar effect.

Why: Warmth relaxes muscles and the firm pressure of rubbing provides proprioceptive input.

Step 3: Dim Lights + Quiet Voice (during and after)

Switch to dim lighting 30 minutes before sleep. Lower your voice. Slow your movements. Children mirror the energy around them.

Step 4: Deep Breathing With a Toy (3 minutes)

Put a stuffed toy on your child’s belly as they lie down. Ask them to breathe in slowly and watch the toy rise, then breathe out and watch it fall. Count together: “In… 2… 3… Out… 2… 3…”

Why: Deep belly breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system — the body’s “rest and digest” mode. The toy makes it visual and fun.

Step 5: Firm Pressure Goodnight (1 minute)

Give a firm, slow squeeze-hug. Press down on their shoulders, then arms, then legs — like you’re “tucking them in” with pressure. Some children love having a heavy blanket.

Why: Deep pressure is one of the most reliable ways to calm the nervous system.

Consistency is the magic ingredient

This routine works best when it’s the same every night. After a week, your child’s body will start recognizing the sequence and begin calming down automatically. The routine becomes a signal: “it’s time to slow down.”

You don’t need expensive sleep consultants or special products. You need 15 minutes, some pillows, and consistency. Your child’s body wants to sleep — it just needs help getting there.